Well here I am spreading a little love on the internet. While I was at school many years ago now, I started to make up a book of valentine rhymes and it’s something I’ve held on to since and every now and again I get to add a couple more to it. The book itself has about 100 rhymes in it and I’m putting them all here. Now before you jump ahead and start reading them I will say this some are erm pretty dirty but well some people like that kind of thing so if you don’t like them well you can’t say I didn’t warn you. The rest are quite traditional and most people will know them with a few originals and less familiars thrown in for good measure.
Also if anyone reading this has any they would like added please mail me, I love to hear new ones.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
And so are you
I wish I were a piece of soap
Held tightly in your hand
And every time you take a bath
I’d see the Promised Land
I wish I were a piece of soap
Hanging on a string
And every time you take a bath
I’d see your ding-a-ling
If I were a cabbage
I’d split myself in two
I’d give my leafs to anyone
But I’d give my heart to you
I love you, I love you, I love you almighty
I wish that your pj’s were next to my nightie
But don’t be mistaken, don’t be mislead
I mean on the clothesline and not in the bed
Posty, Posty do not dally (tarry)
Take this to the one I’ll marry
If snowflakes were kisses
I’d send you a blizzard
Roses are blue
Violets are red
I love you so much
It’s went to my head
Ingle angle silver bangle
You look great from every angle
I wish I were a woolly scarf
Rapped around your neck
And every time you pull me tight
A great big hug you’d get
I’d walk a mile for one of you hugs!
I’d swim the ocean for one of your kisses!!
Know what I’d climb a mountain for?!?!!!
Postie, postie
Do your stuff
Take this to my bit of fluff
Kissing spreads diseases
So it’s stated
So kiss me quick
I’m vaccinated
Postie, Postie
Ring the bell
If it’s Mr/Mrs __________
Run like hell!
Ham is ham
Veal is veal
What’s a kiss
Without a feel
Postie, Postie
Don’t go slow
Be like elvis
And go man go
Tu-lips in the garden
Tu-lips in the park
But the best tu-lips
I like most of all
Are your tu-lips in the dark
Mrs _____ don’t be mad
It’s for _____
Not his dad
Knickers are red
Knickers are blue
If you don’t love me
Knickers to you!
I like coffee
I like tea
I like you
Do you like me?
Jack took Jill
Went up the hill
Both of them were potty
You and me could do the same
But we could both be naughty
If my name you want to know
Then count the kisses down below
Xxxxx
The higher the mountain
The stronger the breeze
The younger the couple
The tighter the squeeze
Two in a car
A few big kisses
A few years later
Mr and Mrs
When I go to bed at night
I fall into deep slumber
My thoughts go to the one I love
Holding his/a cucumber
1 in the kitchen making tea
2 in the bed making 3
2 wee cuddles
2 wee kisses
2 weeks later Mr and Mrs
Making love at the garden gate
Love is blind, the neighbours aint!
I love a man who’s slow and steady
So hurry up I’m naked and ready
Up the ladder 123
If you fall
Fall for me
When we get married
We’ll have twins
Ill buy the nappies
If you buy the pins
_______ is my man
_______ too
But who came along and stole my heart
A wee/big prick like you
Postie, Postie
Do your stuff
Take this to
My wee cream puff
Postie, Postie
Do not halter
This may lead me
To the alter
Roses are red
Violets are pluckable
I find you attractive
And very fuckable
G I U
G I Do
G I Hope
U Me 2
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Find me a cupboard
And I’ll fuck you
Roses are red
Pants are brown
When I see you
They better be down
If hugging was a criminal offence
If kissing were a crime
Then I’d spend all my life
In Barlinnie doing time
Our eyes have met
Our lips not yet
But don’t you worry
I’ll get you yet
I’m your honey
I’m your bunny
Take me to bed
And make me a mummy
My name is not Mary
My name is not Ursula
My name is not Norma
My name is not Karen
My name is not Inez
If you guess who I am
Meet me _____________
Postie, Postie
Don’t be late
Take this to
His garden gate
Do not linger
Do not tarry
Take this to
The one I’ll marry
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Did you know
That I love you
Postie, Postie
Do your duty
Take this to my
______ eyed beauty
Postie, Postie
Ring the bell
If it’s his Dad
Run like hell
Sex is evil
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So get stuck in
I’m suffering from an illness
It’s called duck illness
Because I’m quackers about you
Remember, remember
The night in the hall
You missed my lips
And kissed the wall
Mrs ______ hold your tongue
You did the same when you were young
Tell your husband to do the same
He was the one who changed your name
I love footie
I love rugger
I love you
You sexy bugger
Do you love me?
Cause I love you!
I really hope
You love me too!
Apples in may are ready for pinching
I’m (Age here) and ready for winching
Excuse the writing
Blame the pen
Think of the writer
Now and then
If you count the number of kisses
You’ll be able o guess my name
If you guess correctly
Then all the kisses you can claim
Xxxxx
I love you, and this you know
Why? Because I’ve told you so
I want these words to stay with you
Cause I really love you true
Look under the table
Look under the lamp
If you want to know my name
Look under the stamp
I like Guinness
I like Beamish
When I look at you
I feel squeamish
Some kiss under the mistletoe
Some kiss under the rose
But the place I’d like to kiss you
Most of all
Is underneath your nose
And is and ant
Bug is a bug
What’s a kiss
Without a hug
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I pissed in this bottle
Just for you
Oranges come from Africa
Grapefruits from there to
But it takes a place like
(Insert where recipient’s from here)
To grow a peach like you
Some love 10
Some love 20
I love you
And that is plenty
Peas and beans will fill the ladle
But it’s up to you to fill the cradle
I love you, I love you
I love you dear prince
I love you better than tatties and mince
As long as a pig has a curly tail
My love for you will never fail
Knickers are red
Knickers are brown
When I’m with you
My knickers are down
Ham is ham
Egg is egg
What’s that thing between your leg?
2 little pillows edged with lace
Lying together face to face
One will be yours, one will be mine
If you’ll be my valentine
I wish I was a horse
Lying in the hay
And you were a jockey
So you could ride me every day
My heart with you
My heart without you 
The ring is round
The well is deep
Thinking of you
I just can’t sleep
My dearest darling
I’ve come to confess
I’ve announced our engagement
In the Daily Express
My love for you will never fail
As I carry it round in a wee tin pail
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Take off your boxers
And I’ll shag you
Mars is Mars
Venus is Venus
What’s a man
Without a penis
2 in the bed
The bed starts rocking
Don’t you think that’s simply shocking?
Don’t be mistaken
Don’t be mislead
It’s only two brothers
Fighting in bed
If I was a polo mint
I’d half myself in two
The mint I’d give to others
The hole I’d give to you
A match is a match
A fag is a fag
What’s a kiss
Without a shag
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jill forgot to take the pill
And now they have a daughter
You and me
Up a tree
Trying hard
To make it three
Grab a table
Grab a chair
And I’ll shag
You under there
Dope is Dope
Coke is Coke
What I want
Is a damn good poke
Ham is ham
Shank is shank
I’ll give you
A real good wank
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But none of them
Are as sweet as you
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m in the mood
How about you
Gentle face
Night black hair
Natural grace
Love I swear
Marry me, share my strife
Make me happy, share my life
Coal is black
Snow is white
Come with me
And I’ll make your night
Roses are straight
Violets are twisted
Bend over love
You’re about to get fisted
Roses are crap
Violets are wanky
Oooh I’ve just come
Pass me a hanky
Roses are red
But I like carnations
You’re so crap in bed
I fucked you’re alsation
Roses aren’t blue
And violets aren’t red
I’m as horny as fuck
So get into bed
Roses are stupid
Violets are silly
So grease up your flaps
Cause here comes my willy
Roses are awful
Violets are the pits
Lift up your top
And show me your tits
Roses are red
And I’m like my brother
I’ve shagged all your mates
Now its time for your mother
To my darling boyfriend/girlfriend
I love you in so many ways
Even though some of them
Bruise my knees!
Roses are red
It’s elementary
Let’s call up a friend
And try double entry
Roses are empty
Violets are hollow
Get it in you mouth babe,
And don’t forget to swallow
Roses are crap
Violets are shit
Sit on my face
And wiggle a bit
S – Sealed
W - With
A – A
L – Loving
K – Kiss
I – I’ll
T – Truly
A - Always
L – Love
Y – You
H – Hope
O – Our
L – Love
L – Lasts
A – And
N - Never
D – Dies
B – Better
O – On
L – Lips
T – Than
O – On
N– Note Paper
B – Be
U – Undressed
R – Ready
M – My
A - Angel
Recieved from others
Violets are blue
Roses are red
I've got somebody else
In my bed
Thanks Sally love that to bit's just perfect for those February the 14th breakups, or then again maby not the best way to go about it though.
Roses are #FF0000
Violets are #0000FF
All my base
Are belong to you
Thanks Ben can't think of a better way to tell that person you care.
If you have a poem you want to send me mail it Lorna@munki.org.uk
